Need

The tower that I built
Has made me prisoner
The fortress where I hid
Has become my dungeon
The doors that kept them out
Have since then shut me in
The large shield where I crouched
Has fallen over me
The high fence ‘round my heart
Entraps even my screams
My ship that rode the flood
Has caught water and sunk
The armor that saved me
Now restricts my movements
The sword protecting me
Has pierced straight through my soul.

Just once can I be wrong?
Just once can I be weak?
Just once is it okay
if I fall, if I fail?
These others around me
Where have they been taught how
How to cry, how to beg
How to need each other?
How did they learn to speak
That language so foreign
“I need you, I want you
I trust you, I lo…”
All these words of freedom
Behind my heart they've crawled
Dug their heels shut their eyes
And refuse to come out

How I envy the free
Who suffer openly
Who let tears burn their cheeks
Who let pain overtake
How do they lay their souls
Wide open and naked?
Where do they find the strength
To let themselves be frail
Kneel under their burdens
Fall to the ground, vanquished?
I wish I could like them
Raise my palms to the sky
Helplessly like a child
Reach out for stronger arms
But I must be so strong
I’m too weak to be weak

I need hands to grab me
Pull me out of this grave
Melt the ice inside me
Warm my blood with their breath
And shatter the cold rock
Where I hide and feel safe
Pluck away all my thorns
Render me defenseless
I need hands to gently
Cup themselves 'round my heart
Show me how to, at once,
Feel vulnerable and safe
Give me the courage needed
To fall in someone's arms
With all my might whisper
"Please love me. I trust you"

by +Sylvie Sullivan